How to fight
OPENING THE DOOR
Never in human history have we had so many means of communication television, radio, telephone, fax, email, the Internet, yet we remain islands, with little real communication between us.
When we cannot communicate, we suffer, and we spill our suffering on to other people. We can find ways to open the doors of communication again.
虽然信息的传递方式有了巨大的变化，人的沟通和交流缺没有发展，还像孤岛一般。
WHERE THE FIGHT BEGINS
When someone says something unkind to you, you may want to retaliate right away. That is where the fight begins. This habitual way of reacting creates a well-worn pathway in your brain. When you travel a neural pathway over and over again, it becomes a habit.
Very often that pathway leads to anger, fear, or craving. One millisecond is enough for you to arrive at the same destination: anger and a desire to punish the person who has dared to make you suffer.
The mind and the brain are plastic in nature. You can change your mind, your brain, and the way you think and feel. With practice, you can create new neural pathways that lead to understanding, compassion, love, and forgiveness. Mindfulness and insight can intervene, redirecting you down a new neural pathway.
神经元的路径是可塑的，可以任凭“第一反应”来不断训练，也可以通过“正念洞察”来塑造更好的通路。
A PAUSE
Suppose someone just said something unpleasant to you. Their words and the sound of their voice give you an unpleasant feeling.
You believe they are trying to make you suffer. Of course you feel the desire to react, to say something back. You feel that if you can express your anger, if you can make them suffer, you will get relief.
Most of us react in that way. But mindfulness can help us pause forr a moment and become aware of the anger building up in us. Stopping gives us a chance to acknowledge and to transform our anger.
When we feel anger, irritation, or indignation arising in us, wo pause. We stop and come back to our breathing straight away. We do not say or do anything when we are inhabited by this kind of energy, so we don't escalate the confilict. We wait until we're calm angin.
Being able to pause is the greatest gift.
It gives us the opportunity to bring more love and compassion into the world rather than more anger and suffering.
避免即时的反应，让愤怒和痛苦转化为爱与同情。
WHEN YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE
Usually when we are angry with someone we are more interested in fighting with them than in taking care of our own feelings.
It's like someone whose house is on fire running after the person who has set fire to their house instead of going home to put out the flames.
If we don't go home to take care of our anger, our whole house will burn down. But if we can pause for a moment, we have a chance to acknowledge our anger, embrace it and look deeply to see its true roots.
If we can take care of our own anger instead of focusing on the other person, we will get immediate relief.
If we can pause, we see that our anger or fear may have been born from a wrong perception or may have its root in the large seeds of anger or fear within us.
When we realize this, it frees us from anger and fear. Practice embracing and looking deeply to see the real roots of your anger.
When insight is born, you will be free.
如果有人在家里放火，究竟是先挥拳追击纵火之人，还是轻按“暂停”之键，返身救护自家屋宇？若任由心宅焚烧，反噬邻里，终伤己身。莫让怒火主宰，温良归心，让智慧之风徐徐吹熄火星，护得内心一方清宁自在。
THE WARM AIR DOESEN'T FIGHT THE COLD AIR
When it is cold in your room, you turn on the heater, and the heater begins to send out waves of hot air. The cold air doesn't have to leave the room for the room to become warm. The cold air is embraced by the hot air and becomes warm thers's no fighting at all between them. Mindfulness is the capacity to be aware of what is going on in the present moment. It is like warm air coming into a cold room. Mindfulness does not fight anger, it recognizes it and says hello. "Breathing in, I know that anger has manifested in me; breathing out, I smile to my anger." This is not an act of suppression or of fighting. It is an act of awareness. Once we recognize our anger, we can embrace it with tenderness.
本段的重点在“意识到”，当愤怒的时候，要“意识到”愤怒，然后再用“正念”方式去面对。如同冷空气和热空气并非对抗关系，也可能是转化关系一样。
DON'T RUN AWAY
To try to run away from suffering is not wise. To stay with it, to look deeply into it, and to make good use of it, is what we should do. It is by looking deeply into the nature of suffering that we discover the path of transformation and healing. Without suffering, there is no happiness and no path to happiness. We can even speak about the goodness of suffering because suffering helps us to learn and grow.
去面对，去感受，去观察痛苦的本质，才能感受到幸福，这也应证了上面那段，冷空气转变为热空气的观点。
COUNTLESS OBSTACLES
Bodhisattvas are great beings who have dedicated their whole lives to cultivating compassion and liberating others from suffering. So is it possible for a bodhisattva to get angry? Of course it is. Being a bodhisattva doesn't mean your are perfect. Anyone who is aware of what is happening withing themselves and tries to wake up other people is a bodhisattva. We are all bodhisattvas, doing our best.
Allong the way, we may feel angry or frustrated. It is said that when one bodhisattva gets angry at another bodhisattva, countless obstacles are set up everywhere in the universe.
When we have hatred and anger in our selves, they rebound to all quarters. When we have peace and joy in ourselves, our peace and joy will radiate throughout the whole cosmos.
愤怒和仇恨不仅仅会影响自己，还会辐射周遭世界。你的内心是什么样子，世界就会回应什么样的能量。
KILLING ANGER
A Brahman asked the Buddha, "Master, is there anything your would agree to kill?" The Buddha answered, "Yes, anger. Killing anger removes suffering and brings peace and happiness."
We "kill" our anger by smiling to it, holding it gently, looking deeply to understand its roots and transforming it with understanding and compassion. The Buddha's response so impressed the man, he became a monk. When his cousin learned of this, he cursed the Buddha to his face.
The Buddha only smiled.
The cousin became even more incensed and asked, "Why don't you respond?" The Buddha replied, "If someone refuses a gift, it must be taken back by the one who offered it." Angry words and actions hurt oneself first and hurt oneself most of all.
愤怒的话语和行为，最先伤害的不是别人，而是自己。真正的力量不是反击，而是用觉察与慈悲，让愤怒无处可依。
DON'T FIGHT WITH ANGER
Any peace talks should begin with making peace with ourselves.
First we need to recognize our anger, embrace it, and make peace with it. You don't fight your anger, because your anger is you. Your anger is the wounded child in you. Why should you fight your anger? The method is entirely nonviolent awareness, mindfulness, and tenderly holding your anger within you. Like this, your anger will transform naturally.
我们不该和愤怒对抗，因为愤怒本身就是我们的一部分，真正的和平不是去消灭愤怒，而是用温柔的觉知，让愤怒得到疗愈。
LISTENING TO OTHERS
We can only understand another person when we're able to truly listen to them.
When we can listen to others with deep compassion, wecan understand their pain and difficulties. But when we're angry, we can't listen to others or hear their suffering. Listening deeply to another is a form of meditation. We become aware of our breathing, follow it, and practice concentration, and we learn things about the other persion that we never know before. When we practice deep listening, we can help the persion we're listening to remove the wrong perceptions that are making them suffer. We can restore harmony in our partnerships, our friendships, our family, our community, our nation, and between nations.
It is that powerful.
只有真正的倾听，才能真正的理解。
深度倾听是一种冥想的修行，需要实践和练习，不是用耳朵，而是用心。
当我们以慈悲聆听，理解就会生出，和平也会随之而来。
LISTENLING TO OURSELVES
Sometimes when we attempt to lesten to another person, we can't hear them because we haven't listened to ourselves first. Our own strong emotions and thoughts are so loud in our heart and in our head, crying out for our attention, that we can't hear the other person.
Before we listen to another, we need to spend time listening to ourselves. We can sit with ourselves, come home to ourselves, and listen to what emotions rise up, without judging or interrupting them. We can listen to whatever thoughts come up as well, and then let them pass without holding on to them.
Then, when we've spent some time listening to ourselves, we are able to listen to those around us.
如果你的内心像一间满屋子的吵闹客人，你是听不到别人的敲门声的。
先安抚自己的心，才能温柔地接住别人。
COMPASSIONATE LISTENING
When you practice compassionate listening, it's important to remember that you listen with only one aim, and that is to help the other person to suffer less. You give the other person a chance to say what is in their heart. Even if the other person says something harsh, provocative, or incorrect, or something full of blaming, judgement, or wrong perceptions, you still continue to listen with the heart of compassion. If you can maintain the energy of mindfulness and compassion in your heart while listening, you will be protected, and no matter what the other person says, it won‘t touch off the energy of irritation and anger in you. In that way, you can listen for an hour or more, and the quality of your listening will help the other person to suffer less. When people listen to each other like that, they truly recognize the humanity and the suffering of the other person. You see the other person is a human being, someone very much like yourself. You no longer look at that person with suspicion, anger, or fear.
我们让自己的心静下来，才有能力去倾听别人，安抚好自己的内心，就可以温柔的接住别人。
LOVING SPEECH
Compassionate listening and loving speech are doors that can help us out of even the most difficult situations. Once we have listened with compassion, we can use loving speech to restore communication and understanding. We will know what to say and what not to say so we don't make the situation worse. To use loving speech means to speak in such a way that inspires joy, hope, and confidence in the other person. Our words water the wholesome seeds in us and in the other person. There is no anger, judgment, or blaming. We practice to calm ourselves before we express what is in our heart, and we choose our words carefully so the other person can accept what we say and can understand us better. We can practice loving speech every time we speak. Often our anger and iritation prevent us from being able to use loving speech, yet we know that if we speak with the energy of anger it will harm our relationship. Loving speech is an essential skill in builing a relationship or a community that is a safe and healing refuge for all.
我们可以在每一次说话的机会里练习“爱语”。
虽然有时候愤怒或烦躁会阻碍我们说出温柔的话，
但我们知道——
如果带着愤怒说话，
一定会伤害彼此的关系。
THE POWER OF GENTLENESS
Gentleness is powerful.
When we use gentle and loving sepeech, we are able to transform all the anger, fear, resentment, and suspicion in our communication. The whole intention of loving speech is to understand the other person and to be understood.
温柔不是软弱，而是能够转化关系、疗愈人心的力量
GENEROSITY
Loving speech is an act of generosity. When we are motivated by loving kindness, we can bring happiness to many others through our kind words and actions. When we have a lot of pain, it is difficult to speak lovingly, so it is important to look deeply to see the roots of our anger, despair, and suffering, so we can understand and free ourselves from them. If we use words that inspire self-confidence, hope, and trust, especially with our children, they will flower.
爱的语言如同阳光，可以解决痛苦，平息愤怒。
内心痛苦时，需自省自觉，才能摆脱坏情绪，激发自信。
